When is it OK to ask for help?

How many times have you heard someone say that we live in strange times but that at least we are all in it together? When I hear that especially the last phrase “we are all in it together”, how do I feel? Do I draw comfort from that and believe that everyone is feeling the same and therefore I shouldn’t ask for help? Or do I feel isolated because if we are all in this together, why do I feel anxious, sad, lonely, angry or scared?

Yes we may be in the current lock down together but we are experiencing and responding to it differently. What I may be feeling is not what you are feeling. I may not feel the same sense of isolation as someone living on their own. I may not feel the same sense of fear as someone whose partner is drinking heavily. I may not feel the same sense of loss or grief as someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one. I may not be feeling the same sense of hopelessness of someone who has been furloughed or who has lost their job. I may not be feeling the same sense of overwhelming desperation as the parent whose young children are now at home 24/7. We may be all be in this lockdown together but our individual circumstances are different.

There are no right or wrong things to bring to therapy; no scale of importance. We all feel differently.

Life can impact us in different ways. There is no shame in that. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes things happen that affect us badly. There is no shame in that either. Sometimes there are moments in our life when we need to say to someone “Help”. There is no shame in that. 

There is no scale of problems. There is no comparing your sadness, grief, loss, pain, trauma, worries with other people. You are feeling what you are feeling and that is what is important. No therapist is going to tell you that you are not important enough.

This quote from a client best sums up for me that moment in therapy where you start to realise that you are not alone. That if you choose it, there is help.

“Because suddenly you’re walking along and thinking of things that need to be said.  And that’s better than the tangled up mess that’s usually banging away inside your head.  Someone is there to help. They are helping you pull out each tangle, tease them apart, examine them and comb them straight.  They are balancing you to shoulder the load. “ (L)